Friends, I’m tired.
But also tired.
I’ve been a busy lady.
If I’m not running Stephen to an appointment, I’m busy researching a lot of different things. And because of that, I’ve fallen farther and farther behind on my blog. I have what feels like a mountain of updates for you. I’ve even neglected filling in our families because I just feel like there’s so much to tell.
So rather than write one of my usual lengthy posts, I’ve prepared 4 shorter posts for you (this is post #1). They’re written and ready for me to press “publish.”
As the title indicates, this first post is just a general update with some of Stephen’s stats and our isolation experience thus far.
As of today, Stephen weighs in at 19 lbs. He’s FINALLY on the growth chart for his age. Barely. But he’s there nonetheless. It was a very exciting day for me. He’s 27 ½ inches long and has 9 or 10 teeth (that I can see).
Teething has sucked for us. He runs a low-grade fever and is prone to vomiting…along with the general rage and misery that many associate with teething. Being held is about the only thing that makes the situation tolerable for him.
His interactions with us and others has really developed recently. He has jabbering conversations with anyone who will talk back to him. He has started charming the sweet old ladies in the physical therapy waiting room, just babbling and smiling at them. Their interactions are so precious.
Evelyn, however, is his favorite person on the planet, I think. I love watching their relationship starting to take shape. She loves making him laugh, and she’s quite good at it!
So my last post was all about RSV concerns and isolation, right? Take a look at these screenshots from my calendar:
It may not look like much to some, but I’m usually gone from my house 3 days a week for long periods of time running to various appointments. These calendars don’t show everything I do during the week. These only show important DO NOT FORGET things. So much for real isolation.
My time is split between Stephen, Evelyn, Garret, and keeping up on the housework. My attention is split 60/40 with 60 for Stephen. I have so many appointments and phone calls and doing his therapy (between visits to the actual therapists) and researching and worrying and and and….the list never seems to end.
The picture above is the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet. This is Stephen’s drawer. He has 23 file folders. 17 of those folders are for specialists he sees. The other 6 are for insurance stuff and other boring things. These are all of the things I get to worry about.
I’m stretched so thinly that 2/3 of my family doesn’t even get half my attention most days.
I know, in time, things will get easier.
I know, in time, I’ll learn how to balance and juggle all my different hats more efficiently.
But today is not that day.
Today I struggle with daily mental exhaustion.
Today I research another issue we’ve uncovered.
Today I tell myself I need to live in the moment!
But I’m too concerned with what we were told last week. Yesterday. What we may get told tomorrow.
Living in the moment is hard.
And when you have a diagnosis or you expect one or suspect you may have one someday, how do you not research all you can? How do you not think about it every waking second while you try to make sure you address it as soon as possible?
Because sometimes, attacking something early is the key to limiting its effect down the line.
So that’s how I spend my days.
Researching too much.
Worrying too much.
And praying too little.
Sounds like I have a few things to work on.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy Christmas weekend! I’ll see you Monday for post #2.